there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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