Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
