Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Randomize
