I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Randomize
