I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
