Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
