turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
