Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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