So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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