at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
