Buhtt sex?
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
