do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
