He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
