I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
