either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Randomize