im six kinds of drunk right now
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
