I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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