I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
