Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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