I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
