Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
