TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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