I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
