So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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