Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
