I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
i love accidental penises.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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