You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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