when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Randomize