Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
