Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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