that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
