He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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