Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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