I accidentally burped into my bong.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
