Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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