I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
