Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
