history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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