is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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