Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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