yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
