guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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