WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
