i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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