Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
