my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
