Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
false alarm, still single
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
