At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
being pregnant is like rehab
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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