i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize