My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
