Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
