I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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