do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
My ass is underappreciated
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
