gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
