My girlfriend figured out who you are.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
