Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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