do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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