I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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