this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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