either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Randomize
