I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize