Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
