I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Enjoy the penises
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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