Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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