He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
