i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
