I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
