we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
