I faked an abortion last night.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
i can't believe i had my finger in that
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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