i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
