You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
