I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
