And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
