It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I AM VODKA MAN
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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