Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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