He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
