Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
