sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
