Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
