I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
