What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
